Who will decide where I belong to?

So, its been very very very long since I sat down and wrote. Today is just another day in my routine life (or let’s just say converted routine life). You know, sometimes you just miss something’s so much that are not with you anymore (people, things, emotions contained within you, your life schedule) anything! And then when you sit down in retrospection, or okay that would be a strong word to describe that; but just thinking about the old time, you realize as to how some people or almost everyone told you at that point of time not to do that one particular thing. But that one decision turned out to be the best one for you and taught you something for lifetime.

Today is one such day.

So, yesterday I met a lady in the Anganwadi center who had come to drop her little girl who was 4 years old. The lady was wearing a properly tied saree with regular chappals. There was something about her big expressive eyes, neatly tied hair and little put on lipstick that urged me to talk to her. Not that I am attracted to the feminine side, but I had not seen (till now) a child coming from a still well to do family (at least it seemed so) to the center. Shamelessly, I thought to myself “He does not belong to this place!”.

While writing this, I realize how small I had become to judge people by their face value, the way they dress up and even by the fact as to how they talk with their child. If a lady is well dressed and talking to her child in the mall in a manner “Yes baby, for sure Mumma will buy you this candy” we automatically assume in a split second that she would be educated, coming from a well-to-do family and also that the child is the privileged one. Knowingly or unknowingly, consciously or sub-consciously I have done this, or maybe we all do.

Following the same pattern, I wanted to know and enquire as to why the seemingly well-to-do lady was leaving her child there. So, for those who do not know the scenario of an AWC, it is an eye opener on a lot of fronts. It will change a lot of perceptions in your mind about how fortunate we are to say no to a glass of milk while there are children who are struggling to have a cup of it everyday. Most of the children coming to the AWC belong to the Below Poverty Line (BPL) with their parents working as auto drivers, construction laborers, pottery artists and so on. Talking about what the children are served, the food that the small kids (3-6 years) eat is not sufficient to meet their daily body requirements as per the WHO recommendations (at least that’s what my project research says).

I took 5 minutes to brace myself to ask the lady the hard hitting question as to why she dropped her child in the AWC when probably she could afford better food and pre-school education for him.

The lady told me her name is Mamta and she works as a nurse in the government hospital. Her husband was working as a deck boy in a ship in Merchant Navy. She had her mother-in-law in home who was not really happy with their girl child (Nisha) and ill-treated the baby. She said she chose to not send her in pre-nursery school in her neighborhood since it is only working for 2 hours (10-12 PM) and she comes back from the hospital at 3 PM. The Anganwadi centre seemed more convenient to her and she chose this place for her child irrespective of what people think.

“Ek Insaan ke halaat usse behtar koi nahi samajhta. Mera bachha tiffin main ghar ka laya thanda khaana khaaye toh mujhe chalega, lekin dadi ki bematlab ki pitayii khaye yeh manzoor nahi. Agar ekk baap apni beti ke liye awaaz nahi utha sakta, toh fir maa ko bhi bahar ke logon ke tano ki awaz nahi suanayii detii. Mujhe pata hai ki dekhke lagta hoga kaisi maa hai apni beti pe zara bhi paisa nahi lagana chahta aur roz yahan chod detii hai, lekin voh yeh nahi jaante ki ghar pe koi dekhne wala hota toh koi maa aaisa na karti. Paisa kamana zaroori hai nahi toh Nisha ko kyun aaise chodtii.

Sach kahun toh aap yahan thoda time rehke dekho, yeh jagah itni bhi burin ahi. Khaane main chaiye do cheezein kam milti ho lekin bacho ka aur iski teacher ka mann saaf hai. Har cheez paise main aa jati toh zindagii main koi pareshaani nahi hoti”.

I was stunned. Her voice was so powerful that it brought chills to my spine. She asked me as to why I was asking her so many questions! With a blank face I told her this is part of my research work as we are looking at the children coming to the Anganwadi centers and the food quality of what I served to them.

I did not have the courage to tell her that I came to talk to you because I thought your child does not belong to this place just by looking at you. Your appearances bluffed and challenged me because this was totally in contrast to the preconceived notions in my head. But I said sorry to the lady for out rightly pestering her with so many questions (I really wanted to apologize for my stereotypical mentality).

And honestly, I am not like this always (judgmental, I mean). But this idea of right and wrong; what we expect to see and what actually exists makes us realize sometimes in the subtlest way that sometimes we need to quit the habit of acting that “we know everything” and “what we know is all right”.

A person’s opinions, ideas, way of thinking can influence you so much that we realize this much later in life. I realized what if I told the lady honestly what I actually was thinking before coming to her and if she had picked up that thought for all her life – That there are some shallow people as well in this world who in a few seconds decide which place my child belongs to.

Last year when I decided to come to Ahmedabad, there were so many questions running in my head – some of my own and majority of the ones which were instilled in my little head. Suddenly people started acting as if they have known me forever and others behaving as to how I am about to commit a suicidal attempt of shifting my stream (that too by leaving engineering). Now, I am not saying they are bad people in general because I know they are not but this very habit of “Judging, analyzing someone else’s decision about his/her life and working according to the preconceived notions rather than logic” is such a turn off. All this in itself spreads such negativity that their positivity is then lost somewhere. Now when I think about my BIG DECISION, I believe it has been a life changing experience for me and I would never even think of regretting it. The people who evaluated my decision back then, I am not sure what they think of it now; and does it even matter?

I promised myself yesterday that I wont ever typically categorize anybody based on their looks, money, education and stature. It might come out as a very blunt statement and also in a way as if I have been practicing this all way long; but the fact is acceptance is the first step to change. Even if I have 5% of this trait, I want to let it go.

Thank you Mamta aunty to make me realize that no one can decide which place you belong to and that it is not always about absolute things in life but for some it is more about at least we are getting this. This “relativeness” makes all the difference.

I feel liberated, energized and positive with this very thought. Its good to sometimes return to the things that make you happy (for me a pen and paper do the magic).