Who will decide where I belong to?

So, its been very very very long since I sat down and wrote. Today is just another day in my routine life (or let’s just say converted routine life). You know, sometimes you just miss something’s so much that are not with you anymore (people, things, emotions contained within you, your life schedule) anything! And then when you sit down in retrospection, or okay that would be a strong word to describe that; but just thinking about the old time, you realize as to how some people or almost everyone told you at that point of time not to do that one particular thing. But that one decision turned out to be the best one for you and taught you something for lifetime.

Today is one such day.

So, yesterday I met a lady in the Anganwadi center who had come to drop her little girl who was 4 years old. The lady was wearing a properly tied saree with regular chappals. There was something about her big expressive eyes, neatly tied hair and little put on lipstick that urged me to talk to her. Not that I am attracted to the feminine side, but I had not seen (till now) a child coming from a still well to do family (at least it seemed so) to the center. Shamelessly, I thought to myself “He does not belong to this place!”.

While writing this, I realize how small I had become to judge people by their face value, the way they dress up and even by the fact as to how they talk with their child. If a lady is well dressed and talking to her child in the mall in a manner “Yes baby, for sure Mumma will buy you this candy” we automatically assume in a split second that she would be educated, coming from a well-to-do family and also that the child is the privileged one. Knowingly or unknowingly, consciously or sub-consciously I have done this, or maybe we all do.

Following the same pattern, I wanted to know and enquire as to why the seemingly well-to-do lady was leaving her child there. So, for those who do not know the scenario of an AWC, it is an eye opener on a lot of fronts. It will change a lot of perceptions in your mind about how fortunate we are to say no to a glass of milk while there are children who are struggling to have a cup of it everyday. Most of the children coming to the AWC belong to the Below Poverty Line (BPL) with their parents working as auto drivers, construction laborers, pottery artists and so on. Talking about what the children are served, the food that the small kids (3-6 years) eat is not sufficient to meet their daily body requirements as per the WHO recommendations (at least that’s what my project research says).

I took 5 minutes to brace myself to ask the lady the hard hitting question as to why she dropped her child in the AWC when probably she could afford better food and pre-school education for him.

The lady told me her name is Mamta and she works as a nurse in the government hospital. Her husband was working as a deck boy in a ship in Merchant Navy. She had her mother-in-law in home who was not really happy with their girl child (Nisha) and ill-treated the baby. She said she chose to not send her in pre-nursery school in her neighborhood since it is only working for 2 hours (10-12 PM) and she comes back from the hospital at 3 PM. The Anganwadi centre seemed more convenient to her and she chose this place for her child irrespective of what people think.

“Ek Insaan ke halaat usse behtar koi nahi samajhta. Mera bachha tiffin main ghar ka laya thanda khaana khaaye toh mujhe chalega, lekin dadi ki bematlab ki pitayii khaye yeh manzoor nahi. Agar ekk baap apni beti ke liye awaaz nahi utha sakta, toh fir maa ko bhi bahar ke logon ke tano ki awaz nahi suanayii detii. Mujhe pata hai ki dekhke lagta hoga kaisi maa hai apni beti pe zara bhi paisa nahi lagana chahta aur roz yahan chod detii hai, lekin voh yeh nahi jaante ki ghar pe koi dekhne wala hota toh koi maa aaisa na karti. Paisa kamana zaroori hai nahi toh Nisha ko kyun aaise chodtii.

Sach kahun toh aap yahan thoda time rehke dekho, yeh jagah itni bhi burin ahi. Khaane main chaiye do cheezein kam milti ho lekin bacho ka aur iski teacher ka mann saaf hai. Har cheez paise main aa jati toh zindagii main koi pareshaani nahi hoti”.

I was stunned. Her voice was so powerful that it brought chills to my spine. She asked me as to why I was asking her so many questions! With a blank face I told her this is part of my research work as we are looking at the children coming to the Anganwadi centers and the food quality of what I served to them.

I did not have the courage to tell her that I came to talk to you because I thought your child does not belong to this place just by looking at you. Your appearances bluffed and challenged me because this was totally in contrast to the preconceived notions in my head. But I said sorry to the lady for out rightly pestering her with so many questions (I really wanted to apologize for my stereotypical mentality).

And honestly, I am not like this always (judgmental, I mean). But this idea of right and wrong; what we expect to see and what actually exists makes us realize sometimes in the subtlest way that sometimes we need to quit the habit of acting that “we know everything” and “what we know is all right”.

A person’s opinions, ideas, way of thinking can influence you so much that we realize this much later in life. I realized what if I told the lady honestly what I actually was thinking before coming to her and if she had picked up that thought for all her life – That there are some shallow people as well in this world who in a few seconds decide which place my child belongs to.

Last year when I decided to come to Ahmedabad, there were so many questions running in my head – some of my own and majority of the ones which were instilled in my little head. Suddenly people started acting as if they have known me forever and others behaving as to how I am about to commit a suicidal attempt of shifting my stream (that too by leaving engineering). Now, I am not saying they are bad people in general because I know they are not but this very habit of “Judging, analyzing someone else’s decision about his/her life and working according to the preconceived notions rather than logic” is such a turn off. All this in itself spreads such negativity that their positivity is then lost somewhere. Now when I think about my BIG DECISION, I believe it has been a life changing experience for me and I would never even think of regretting it. The people who evaluated my decision back then, I am not sure what they think of it now; and does it even matter?

I promised myself yesterday that I wont ever typically categorize anybody based on their looks, money, education and stature. It might come out as a very blunt statement and also in a way as if I have been practicing this all way long; but the fact is acceptance is the first step to change. Even if I have 5% of this trait, I want to let it go.

Thank you Mamta aunty to make me realize that no one can decide which place you belong to and that it is not always about absolute things in life but for some it is more about at least we are getting this. This “relativeness” makes all the difference.

I feel liberated, energized and positive with this very thought. Its good to sometimes return to the things that make you happy (for me a pen and paper do the magic).

How much is too much?

Hello people, its been quite some time that I posted something on my blog. So, here I am comfortably sitting inside my blanket, and laptop and thinking about what exactly to write down?
So, I am not really a person who goes out and mingle up with people in the very first go I meet them, but if someone is nice to me, I do not hesitate to be nice to the person and helpful either.

So, I happened to meet this guy in class who asked me for my notes as he had missed those particular classes. I asked him the reason for doing so, to which he replied " Kahin bhi jaane ke liye waqt chahiye hota hai, aur jab voh hi kam padne lage toh insaan kya kare? " ( To reach any place you need time, and if the time starts running out, what will the person do then? )

I didn't really realize what he meant initially, and thought of him as someone who likes responding to people with his own delusional answers.But something about him was intriguing. I went on to question him further as of what his reply meant.
He told me that his father has Hemiparesis (Half Paralysis) and mother is fighting with Cancer. So, he has to take them for routine check ups and works as a typist and short hand assistant in the High Court, as he is the only earning source.
It wasn't something I have never been exposed to. We all know that people around us are battling with so many things, some of which we cant even imagine ourselves in.
In the meanwhile, the teacher came and started with the routine class.
I didn't really think much about it, after the class. While coming back, I went to a bakery shop to buy some stuff where I saw another girl asking her mom to get her a pastry. The mother was reluctant not to get her one, because of her Sugar problem. It saddened me, the girl was barely 7-8 years old.

Coming back home, I realized we have so much and yet curse friends, stalkers, relatives, circumstances, situations, destiny, luck and what not just to gain 2 minutes of happiness which we get after consoling and satisfying ourselves from the shallow lies.
For some, a little is more than enough, and for others even too much is less.
How do we decide for ourselves, how much is too much or enough for us?
Maybe we all know that, or maybe we will never know.

That one thing.

Its been a long time, when i wrote something last, no specific reasons but still a few. I don't want to get in the intricacies but to keep it simple I lost that temperament to write.
But now I am back, and ready to be in touch with you guys. Another thing I have noticed is that the last post I wrote on was on 2nd Jan 2014. Almost a year, and now I am back. Yes, i do realize its a long time.
So, like ever, I too had a new year resolution last year. And sadly, it came out to be of no use. The resolution was to focus and concentrate on one thing. I gave myself a lot of time to do the same. But the irony is, the whole time i couldn't find that one thing. Apparently i tried my hand in a lot of things but still that one thing didn't click.
Now, you might be thinking of a very good question as of why suddenly looking out for that one thing? Umm.. You see, its a genuine question and simple as well. Any motivational, biography, autobiography you read you will read one line for sure, fashioned in one way or the other. According to the books, all these people had a calling - that ONE THING that made them forget everything else, it was their everything - Love, passion, madness.
But ultimately after giving myself ample time, I realized maybe i am abnormal or something, but i seriously couldnt find that One thing as such.
There could be reasons to it - Maybe I love so many things, that I cant choose out of the lot. Or, the fact that I am a good multi-tasker and since I can manage things well, I don't find the need to pick and choose. And above all, the fact that I am a Saggitarian - We tend to get bored with things right?
Anyways, whatever the reason is, I am glad that I am happy in this space. A place where you don't have to pressurize yourself for things that you tend to see and assume you should need to adopt since everyone else does, even when you have no need to make changes in that order.
So, Finally I have come to the conclusion that do as many things as you love as long as you are doing it good. And for me, I have realized I love way too many things to let even one of them off my list - Writing, Fashion, Designing, Reading people, Helping people, Fashion Photography.
So, now how I put it is Find the things you love, and let them consume you. And when you get a bit bored, you know how to shift and indulge in your other love for sometime.
And probably the one thing of which you are never bored of is You -Yourself!
From now on, I will also post the picture of the day with my blogpost for fun.

From where I am writing, at the moment. Peace and Serenity. 

2013 : Thank you for everything!

2014.

I had read somewhere no matter how many people you meet or how many places you see, you might change but your Core remains the same. So True. The year and date has changed, but still we are the same. You dont change with the passing year, as people say : This year i'll change for good or bad or whatever! Do people change? Can you ever actually change?

I am back on my blog after a long time. Things have been keeping me busy and most of all, i didn't feel like writing. Not the professional one but for my blog. Writing here is more of choice rather than duty for me. A time had come when i was doing and struggling for things on my own that i almost went into a shell and didnt want to share it.

But now, am here. It has nothing to do with " New Year, New Start " theory. I don't believe in it. I did maybe till last year, but not now. You always have reasons to believe something.

2013 was a special year. I have been reading and talking to people where they tell that it was a terrible one and they surprisingly curse it. I also had my amount of problems and hardships, some of which were really bad. But the truth is every bad and the best comprises who you are today. So, instead of being sorry or sad about the fact why it happened to you, thing of those infinite things which could happen but then they just didn't.

Everyday you learn from life. Its a strict teacher. The most important thing i learnt in 2013 is the fact that if you work hard for it, you will reach there and get it. 

2013 started on a good note. Semester started on an average note. Engineering as i always say seems like a solid rock to me ; Yes! That hard. Just on the next day when my semester exams got over, I went to Delhi. A whole new thing was waiting for me : Russia! Your first foreign experience is always memorable for you. Plus, this was more amazing. Going to a whole new place alone, on your own. The one and a half month internship experience taught me so much. One of the best things in 2013 was surely this experience. 

And then came the book! Well, we are still working on it, but it is definitely one thing which has my heart into it. I never thought writing a book will happen so soon, but i feel so good and proud that it did.

These are all the good things. There are umpteen number of things bundled along with these two.  Met some amazing people. 

With good comes little bad as well. But that seems so little or minute when i look at the good things!

I feel so blessed and loved. 2013 was amazing !! I have realized one thing. You never have time as such to thank people in your life who do so much for you. I'm also the same. But all those i can think of right now, i want to thank them. Genuinely! 

First and foremost : My Parents and my brother. I have never come across anyone as cool and liberal as them. Sending me all alone to Russia was difficult. They believe i'm a kid and sending your child abroad when you yourself don't have a passport at the moment, you can imagine how it would be. But they never even once stopped me. I had filled up all the forms, gone for applying the visa on my own, literally did everything on my own. They had no clue till the end what i was upto. But they believed in me and encouraged me to go. I love you , no matter what. Thank you for supporting me.

Atankshu: The first thing i think about the last year of the bad times, is the time when i was hospitalized in Beijing. It was terrible. No money in pocket and already admitted in an international hospital. It would always be less of how much I thank you. Russia happened because of you, you were the one who initially forced me to fill up the form. 2013 was one of the best years with you. I cant write about you. I don't know what all to write about you, you already know everything. Thank you for being there for me always.

Amanpreet Kamboj : It seems so weird writing your complete name. Hahaha ! Anyways, you became my friend in 2013, and now it feels like ages. You have been with me through thick and thin. I can just say thank you to you. You have been a rock solid support throughout and may 2014 be more amazing and fruitful for our friendship. 

Mridul : I remember talking to you for the first time and thinking  " Umm.. He's not that bad as i imagined him to be! " Well, You became my friend when things were going rough and i needed someone to be with. I tell you, we shared a lot and what we share now is something i value a lot. You have been there for me before i could ask for help. Thank you Mridul! 

Jas: Its been few months only now, that i've known you. What all you did for my birthday, from the cake to the video, i was amazed. I never imagined someone could put in so much just to make the other one feel special and happy. You're such a sweet girl and so down to earth. Its wonderful to have you as my friend. Thank you. You made my birthday memorable!

Piyush : I dont know what went wrong, or has. But i read somewhere " When you know things have started getting hard in any relationship, its better to let it be and leave it rather than making the memories bitter ". I know no matter what, you'll always be there for me and that feeling is mutual. Thank you for being there for me. You'll always be special to me and trust me when i say that.

Nikhil : Mr. Co-author! You have been more a guide and friend to me. Its all about the vibes as i say. And they were right with you, somehow that is why it clicked. I remember the time you asked me to collaborate with you on a project, my instant reaction was Are you like serious? Writing a book! From then till now, it has been so good. You are a very nice and dedicated guy. Thank you for believing in me and my work and also encouraging me.

Nikita: Coming to Delhi and spending time with you was so wonderful. I remember the day before i had to leave for Russia, Delhi was already so much fun. From shopping to watching " Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani " First day Third show. Hahaha.. Thank you for comforting me and making the time memorable.

Ashmin, Manveer, Sairish, Sanjana, Hitesh, Varun, Lipsa, Anshu, Bharat, Claire, Seerat : Thank you for putting a smile on my face. I may not have said it then, but now when i think of 2013, i think of you guys being there for me whenever i needed you!
And a special Thank you to all my friends back there in Russia. Thank you for making me feel at home. The time spent with you was amazing and will be in my heart forever! 

Life is too short to complain and sit back crying for things. Love, respect and acknowledge people who have been with you. Don't wait for an occasion to do that. And probably for the one's who make new year resolutions, make sure you fulfill them as well and for the other ones like me, I have promised myself to be more focused, consistent and thankful to God for everything rather than asking for more.

" Unhone poccha iss saal kya karne ki chah hai,

Chahatein toh vahin hai joh pehle thi, tareekh se chah nahi badalti ! " 

Dreams : My Home!

Here I am. Yes, still alive. Days are just passing by, and again i miss my favorite thing in the world, which is of course : Writing.
It seems like ages, since i have written something on my blog. People ask me of why i don't write up that much or why am not that vivid writer now, but my answer is the very same. Writing always captures some emotions. And you gotta be rolling into them, to pen it down finally.
This dame is the same. Mixed emotions. More of good though.
There are hell lot of things which you think when you go off to bed. That man/women, the Car, that awesome  Bike, your parents, of why he/she doesn't or didn't love you back, and what not. Same goes with me. But everyday one thing goes with me to bed and i wake up taking it to me along for the day, just to keep it safe. The Hunger and Passion for my work. Seriously i mean it. The people who know me will agree to this, am sure.
Not very far ago, there was a time when i had no idea of what i wanted to be, or of what will i end up doing. With all the struggles and self realization books i read, i knew what it was. My hunger was no longer unknown to me and to the people around. And then, somehow with time I now finally know how to keep it safe.

" I like the night. Without the dark, you would never see the stars".

A lot of people ask me the reason of pursuing engineering, despite being so crazy about writing, literature, and stuff. Somethings in life are planned and you probably can't challenge them. You accept the fact that somethings do happen for a reason. I remember telling my dad, about the newly found passion I had for writing. He smiled to me and said :
" Dreaming is beautiful, protecting your dream is Difficult".

Since then, every night before i sleep, i tell myself no matter how hard it is or is gonna be, i'll protect my dream - from all the criticism, laugh, objections and questions. I know this sounds funny and crazy, but yes it is true.
You can never be more crazy about something, more than how much you can be for your dreams. Never underestimate, or be sorry for your dreams.
"Dreams are very powerful,  they know there way".
So, be proud, confident, and take pride for what you believe in.
 I dedicate this post to a girl, maybe 6 or 7 years old, whom I met in a grocery shop today. She had come to buy a facial cream. She didn't even know the name of the cream she had come to buy as it was written on a piece of paper which was given to her by the lady, in whose home she probably worked as a maid. The shopkeeper gave him some 3 rupees less in return, as he didn't have the change. The girl looked the money she was given back in her hand, and she almost figured out something's fishy.
" Is it all what you had to give me, she asked politely? ". The shopkeeper smiled wickedly and said yes, and now better go home, this is all what had to be returned. And one must be educated to understand this, he commented sarcastically.
" I go to school, and learning maths slowly. You can keep the 3 rupees indeed. She said and left."
So proud. To be a dreamer and To see that little girl working to achieve her dream.

The Story Untold Part 1

It was raining heavenly. Sandy looked secretly in Sidhak's eyes,as he was driving the car, just to make sure if she could get any hint to confirm to what all was going in her mind. With all the calculations going on right in her mind, she switched on the music player. To her surprise, a romantic Shreya ghoshal number started playing. She wanted to ask him about the drastic change from Pink Floyd to soft hindi songs.  From when did you started listening to romantic hindi songs? She asked. Just a while, was his blunt reply.
Now, before she could possibly think of any further thing to carry on the conversation, he stopped the car. Here it is, your home. The party was nice and so were you, he said. Really? she thought to her while she was smiling. He opened the car window, as she was still thinking about her stupidity.
Bye then, he said in a manly voice. Bye, goodnight.
She walked towards her home, to simply recall and analyze of what all conversation they had in the car.
And with force, she opened the gate. Sandy, how was the party?her mom asked. Yeah, it was good. she explained of how tired she was and also that she had no space for dinner.Her mother was trying to figure out about the confused expression she had on her face.
The moment she entered the room, the first thing done by her was standing in front of the mirror and see of how she was looking and of what would  Sidhii would be thinking about her.
"You're on the phone with your girlfriend, she's upset ; she's going off about something that you said.." rang her phone. Aaah ! It was vishal, her best friend. She picked up the call thinking to inquire if he had also reached back safely after the party.
Sandy, you okay? he asked. Why in this world would i not be okay if Sidhii dropped me home, silly ! she said while jumping on her bed. No, i meant casually. So, did you guys like talked? Vishal inquired.
Vishal, its like the same story. We hardly talked. But it was still mesmerizing. Just being with him feels so right, so good, she said with a smile on her face. I hope it works out for you, he said a little low with his tone.
Hmm, chalo, i am really tired now, Planning to sleep. Good night then, said Sandy. Yes, bye and good night, said Vishal.
After all the girly things - from changing her clothes, to removing the makeup, to moisturizing her face, everything was done. All packed up in the quilt, she thought to herself, she realized, she didnt even ask Vishal if he had reached home. Shit, how could i be so dumb, she cursed herself as all these thoughts linked up in her mind. Moving on, she thought about the party, the dance, the food( a little), the glossy dresses her friends were wearing, of all the small special moments ; Vishal's confession of how pretty she looked, to a lot more. But still, the only thing at that point of time, which stood above all was Sidhak asking her if it's okay if he dropped her home. That was IT. Nothing more she could have asked for. Yeah, she knew she loved that guy freaking madly, and maybe he doesn't. Or it's just liking from his side. But if this is how God has made it to be, then she'll end up making him love her. Said that. Period. She just didnt want to think anything more than this.
Her mind was engulfed with a lot of thoughts. To be simple. it was as follows:-
A loves B (freaking madly). B likes no one (has got something, yeah a very little thing for B though).  C loves A (yes, the heavy word, Love). A cares a lot about C. Now, what to do !
It was not that her feelings were not known to Sidhak. He believed, she shouldn't take herself that seriously and give it some time. On the other hand, Vishal had the belief, that where there is Love, nothing else is needed.
Admist this, there was Sandy,who simply wanted Love. No complications, nothing.

Adieu 2012 ! 2013 - Please be nice ;)

Eureka ! This is what all I had been thinking past many days. So, the year is about to end in some 5 more days and I had been thinking past some days of what all this year made me learn. Hmm...Not many people think about that, but as you might have seen by now, I have this weird habit of analyzing things. While they are going on, when they're done, you know for that prolonged period of time. So, here's what all i have analyzed. Sharing it with you people with the hope that you also take some time to jot down what did the year teach you and how better and skilled you're to deal with LIFE than the previous year. That's what it is all about. Right ?

1. Something always dreaming of doing :
If today was my last day, and I had to thank God , keeping aside my family and for the life i lived , it would be to attain the very fact of my existence. To make me realize what i live for and doing what makes me happy. It seems a very small thing to hear or read - " I am doing what I always wanted to do. Its Overwhelming ! ".
To explain this is very simple. To make you aware what I actually mean. What is common between Shahrukh Khan , Aamir Khan , Salman Khan ? Or Mamta Banerjee and Narendra Modi ? Or Sachin Tendulkar and Peter Burge ?  They're living the life they always imagined to. Yes, they're doing exactly of what they dreamt of doing some day. How many of us get to experience that in our life ?
How many of us are pursuing our interests, or something we are really passionate about ? The year came with that fulfillment and joy to me. I found and started what i love doing. Writing ! 

2012 , I'll be always indebted to you for giving me the satisfaction and joy nothing could have given me. 

2. Relationship status :
Lot of my friends went from "Single" to "In a Relationship". While few went back to Square one- "Single". Other's still were in the bracket of "Its Complicated". And all my salutes to those, who had the guts to declare "Separated" instead of saying "Single".
Well, 2012 has been good with me. I learnt a lot of things in terms of relationships, love and if not more. The most important thing the year taught me regarding this very aspect was to Love, Respect and above all Value the people who love you. Quick take :-
a) Firstly, Don't run after people who are not people but machines. Yes, the one's who don't have the program installed in them to understand about a simple things - Emotions.
b) Never underestimate yourself. He dumped you, hell with him/her. You dumped him/her, maybe the person deserved it or maybe you didn't have any other viable option. ( I'm assuming here that you didn't dump the person for some 3rd person , and if you did then probably its not worth giving an advice ).
c) And for those, who wanna know my status, well I'm in a very happy place. So, 2012 , you held my finger and made me one more step further where i was last year, in understanding people, their emotions and Love on a whole.

3. Hope, Faith , Belief :
My first blog was dedicated to this very thing. The year made me more calm, and let things go. Have faith and believe in yourself and above all God. Between everything, the problems, the failures and the tensions exists Hope and Faith, that it'll be fine soon and Belief that whatever happens, happens for good. Everything is well that ends well :)

4. Without Fear, without Hate
Nirbhau, Nirvair.  Its the punjabi effect I guess. But absolutely true. Never fear anything and yes never hate anything or anybody. You know, throught life people will make you mad, disrespect you, will make you mad. Let God deal with the things they do, because Hate in your heart will consume you too.

The year made me stronger and maturer. So, here I am wishing all you guys a very Happy and prosperous 2013, and yeah also congratulations ! The world did not end. A film wasted, tension, predictions and what not. 2013- A simple wish, Please be nice ;)
 To conclude, Live your life like there's no tomorrow. Party hard and above all, stay Safe.