So, its been very very very long since I sat down and wrote.
Today is just another day in my routine life (or let’s just say converted
routine life). You know, sometimes you just miss something’s so much that are
not with you anymore (people, things, emotions contained within you, your life
schedule) anything! And then when you sit down in retrospection, or okay that
would be a strong word to describe that; but just thinking about the old time,
you realize as to how some people or almost everyone told you at that point of
time not to do that one particular thing. But that one decision turned out to
be the best one for you and taught you something for lifetime.
Today is one such day.
So, yesterday I met a lady in the Anganwadi center who had
come to drop her little girl who was 4 years old. The lady was wearing a properly
tied saree with regular chappals. There was something about her big expressive
eyes, neatly tied hair and little put on lipstick that urged me to talk to her.
Not that I am attracted to the feminine side, but I had not seen (till now) a
child coming from a still well to do family (at least it seemed so) to the
center. Shamelessly, I thought to myself “He does not belong to this place!”.
While writing this, I realize how small I had become to
judge people by their face value, the way they dress up and even by the fact as
to how they talk with their child. If a lady is well dressed and talking to her
child in the mall in a manner “Yes baby, for sure Mumma will buy you this
candy” we automatically assume in a split second that she would be educated,
coming from a well-to-do family and also that the child is the privileged one.
Knowingly or unknowingly, consciously or sub-consciously I have done this, or maybe
we all do.
Following the same pattern, I wanted to know and enquire as
to why the seemingly well-to-do lady was leaving her child there. So, for those
who do not know the scenario of an AWC, it is an eye opener on a lot of fronts.
It will change a lot of perceptions in your mind about how fortunate we are to
say no to a glass of milk while there are children who are struggling to have a
cup of it everyday. Most of the children coming to the AWC belong to the Below
Poverty Line (BPL) with their parents working as auto drivers, construction
laborers, pottery artists and so on. Talking about what the children are
served, the food that the small kids (3-6 years) eat is not sufficient to meet
their daily body requirements as per the WHO recommendations (at least that’s
what my project research says).
I took 5 minutes to brace myself to ask the lady the hard
hitting question as to why she dropped her child in the AWC when probably she
could afford better food and pre-school education for him.
The lady told me her name is Mamta and she works as a nurse
in the government hospital. Her husband was working as a deck boy in a ship in
Merchant Navy. She had her mother-in-law in home who was not really happy with
their girl child (Nisha) and ill-treated the baby. She said she chose to not
send her in pre-nursery school in her neighborhood since it is only working for
2 hours (10-12 PM) and she comes back from the hospital at 3 PM. The Anganwadi
centre seemed more convenient to her and she chose this place for her child
irrespective of what people think.
“Ek Insaan ke halaat
usse behtar koi nahi samajhta. Mera bachha tiffin main ghar ka laya thanda
khaana khaaye toh mujhe chalega, lekin dadi ki bematlab ki pitayii khaye yeh
manzoor nahi. Agar ekk baap apni beti ke liye awaaz nahi utha sakta, toh fir
maa ko bhi bahar ke logon ke tano ki awaz nahi suanayii detii. Mujhe pata hai
ki dekhke lagta hoga kaisi maa hai apni beti pe zara bhi paisa nahi lagana
chahta aur roz yahan chod detii hai, lekin voh yeh nahi jaante ki ghar pe koi
dekhne wala hota toh koi maa aaisa na karti. Paisa kamana zaroori hai nahi toh
Nisha ko kyun aaise chodtii.
Sach kahun toh aap
yahan thoda time rehke dekho, yeh jagah itni bhi burin ahi. Khaane main chaiye
do cheezein kam milti ho lekin bacho ka aur iski teacher ka mann saaf hai. Har
cheez paise main aa jati toh zindagii main koi pareshaani nahi hoti”.
I was stunned. Her voice was so powerful that it brought
chills to my spine. She asked me as to why I was asking her so many questions!
With a blank face I told her this is part of my research work as we are looking
at the children coming to the Anganwadi centers and the food quality of what I
served to them.
I did not have the courage to tell her that I came to talk
to you because I thought your child does not belong to this place just by
looking at you. Your appearances bluffed and challenged me because this was
totally in contrast to the preconceived notions in my head. But I said sorry to
the lady for out rightly pestering her with so many questions (I really wanted
to apologize for my stereotypical mentality).
And honestly, I am not like this always (judgmental, I
mean). But this idea of right and wrong; what we expect to see and what
actually exists makes us realize sometimes in the subtlest way that sometimes
we need to quit the habit of acting that “we know everything” and “what we know
is all right”.
A person’s opinions, ideas, way of thinking can influence
you so much that we realize this much later in life. I realized what if I told
the lady honestly what I actually was thinking before coming to her and if she
had picked up that thought for all her life – That there are some shallow
people as well in this world who in a few seconds decide which place my child
belongs to.
Last year when I decided to come to Ahmedabad, there were so
many questions running in my head – some of my own and majority of the ones
which were instilled in my little head. Suddenly people started acting as if
they have known me forever and others behaving as to how I am about to commit a
suicidal attempt of shifting my stream (that too by leaving engineering). Now,
I am not saying they are bad people in general because I know they are not but
this very habit of “Judging, analyzing someone else’s decision about his/her
life and working according to the preconceived notions rather than logic” is
such a turn off. All this in itself spreads such negativity that their
positivity is then lost somewhere. Now when I think about my BIG DECISION, I
believe it has been a life changing experience for me and I would never even
think of regretting it. The people who evaluated my decision back then, I am
not sure what they think of it now; and does it even matter?
I promised myself yesterday that I wont ever typically
categorize anybody based on their looks, money, education and stature. It might
come out as a very blunt statement and also in a way as if I have been
practicing this all way long; but the fact is acceptance is the first step to
change. Even if I have 5% of this trait, I want to let it go.
Thank you Mamta aunty to make me realize that no one can
decide which place you belong to and that it is not always about absolute
things in life but for some it is more about at least we are getting this. This
“relativeness” makes all the difference.
I feel liberated, energized and positive with this very
thought. Its good to sometimes return to the things that make you happy (for me
a pen and paper do the magic).
